How leadership/supervising is like parenting -
Typical Saturday morning at my house...We're all starting our day at a lazy pace, fending for ourselves for breakfast. My 7 year old son is struggling to come up with an interesting idea for what to eat. Eventually we settle on a bagel in the toaster oven covered with chopped up hot dogs and shredded cheese sprinkled up on top. Dear reader, don't judge, we're using up leftovers! I walked him through the steps to making it and walked away on purpose. I'm trying to teach him to start to make his own breakfasts.
A few minutes later, I hear from one of my
daughters, "Mom, I think he needs supervision next time ‘cause he got
cheese all over the place." I reacted with surprise that she chose the
word supervision instead of help or guidance. What
she meant was, "if you were here watching and helping, he wouldn't have
made the mess." In essence she means that supervising is taking over
and keeping someone else from making mistakes, making sure they do it the right way.
This thinking chafes me!
What I did next was I showed my
son how to clean up the cheese, both on the counter and inside the toaster
tray, explaining to him that any remaining cheese on the tray would burn and
make it difficult for whoever was washing the dishes later. I told him it
was awesome that he assembled the whole thing by himself and
learned something new. He listened and watched and helped me clean up the
cheese. I know he was appreciating the fact that I didn't freak out and scream
at him. He felt safe and knew I cared about him learning something new.
Dear leaders, supervisors, parents,
colleagues, and anyone else –
Mistakes are not the enemy - fear of failure
and lack of growth and learning are the enemy. Let's be
leaders/supervisors who empower people to learn and do
new things. Let's treat those
we lead in such a way that they're not
afraid of making messes that they'll get reprimanded for because
they'll know that you've got their backs and are going to walk alongside them
helping rectify the situation and them do better next time.
I've seen how leadership and supervision in
the workplace is SO much like parenting. Leaders at work need to love
and believe in their people and in their development just like
parents to their own offspring. Let them make a messy hot dog cheese
covered bagel for breakfast and learn from it. Why? Because every mess
provides an opportunity to learn, grow and be more independent and
empowered. Next time I know he will know more how to make this particular
breakfast and be more confident in doing so, because his momma believes in him.
If your people feel cared for and empowered,
they will stay. They will love your organization. They will brag to their
friends about how they are allowed to take risks at work without fear because
they know their leaders have got their backs. Which honestly is so RARE. So
please be that rare leader! It’s not weakness when a leader allows people to
take risks and sometimes fail. It’s true strength and humility – because you’re
believing in others. You shift the attention from organizational perfection and
excellence to individual excellence that is developed through risks and
mistakes. You shift the focus from the organization’s external reputation to
the internal growth of each individual.
Tolerate mistakes dear leaders. When mistakes
happen, ask questions and be gentle and enable growth to result from the
mistakes. Don’t tear down and berate your people, they will become fearful and
resist trying and trust will disappear. The mistakes themselves are often
powerful teachers, you don’t need to bring on more shame. It’s your job to
gently draw out the lessons learned and affirm that person’s strengths. Affirm
that the mistakes do not define the person.
Once I worked for an incredible leader. I knew
she was incredible because of the way she loved
and believed in her people. When she started
the job and moved into her office she brought with her an appreciation gift
that her people had put together for her as she was leaving her previous job.
There were adjectives describing her character, but one quote stood high above
the rest:
I
think cool hits all the bases the best. She always comes
across strong but calm at the same time. She is on target but seems relaxed. I
always felt that if I were to burn down a building she would be “cool” about it
so long as I had tried my best. She never was upset or offended by the
sometimes loud and slightly inappropriate conversations that take place around
me. In my mind, she is pretty cool.
This is the
kind of leader to be, dear readers. Believe in your people. They will rise up.
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